Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

The sadness was still there.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Why do I smell bad even though I have good hygiene?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Why are men obsessed with breasts and their size? I don't quite see women being obsessed with the penis - Why is this so?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

What was your worst experience while living with roommates?

I was tired of fighting.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Can you name a female actress who has had bad timing or luck in her film career?

I was tired of trying and failing.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

How come Jesus died on Friday and rose on Sunday? That's not 3 days and three nights.

It’s still here.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

I had run out of hope.

What are some dirty secrets of Indian (Bollywood, etc.) actors and actresses?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

You are like me, then.

I'm very sick. 72 years old. I thinking I'm losing my mind. My dead friend told me it's going to be okay. I could feel him. There is more…I don't know what but more.

And the sadness?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

It’s here now, writing to you.

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This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Be who you already are.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Why would a girl not want you to know she has a crush on you?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.